The art of saying NO

Most people say 'yes' much more readily than 'no'. Many respond 'yes' automatically to requests, neglecting to consider their own interests and feelings, and are then angry with themselves afterwards. Saying 'no' requires courage and considerable practice. Saying 'yes' is always easier because you receive a grateful smile in response or similar indication of pleasure. Everyone wants to be liked. Saying 'no' risks losing the affection of the person asking the favour, status in the community or even a job.
   Uncertain times in particular bring this tendency to the fore, with the result that many people rather say 'yes' in spite of themselves just for the sake of keeping the peace. Anyone should be able to say 'no'. There's a lot to be gained from facing down the fear of saying 'no'.
   Rejecting a request can help to stabilize a relationship, because it helps establish limits and to express genuine feelings. But for people like me, who are accustomed to agreeing to every request, changing can be a long and uncomfortable learning process.
   Before we are able to say 'no' in a particular situation, we have to give ourselves permission internally. This happens only if we have corrected the negative attitudes we associate with saying 'no' and which prevent us from doing so. "If I say 'no' then the other person will reject me and his affection is important to me," is an attitude often expressed. But this can be replaced by: "I don't know whether he's going to reject me, but if he only likes me because I always do what suits him, then the price of his affection is too high in the long term. I can put up with having him reject me." It is, however, important to formulate the refusal in language that does not cause offence.
    Talking to the other person about a mutual solution to any difference of opinion is the key. One needs to present the situation from one's own point of view, and to suggest how the situation can be developed to the advantage of both parties. The other person must have the feeling that his interests are also being considered. The refusal is, after all, painful for both.